 |
Become More Self-Confident
Signs of Self-Confidence Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence. 1. Admitting when you are wrong. 2. Being flexible when change is needed. 3. Talking about your accomplishments. 4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, "We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot." 5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think. 6. Using a strong handshake. 7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too "corporate." For example, "You guys did a cool thing." 8. Speaking very fast. 9. Smiling often. 10. Learning new skills. 11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble. Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under "Quiz #1." Low Self-Confidence Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence. 1. "I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten." 2. "Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work." 3. "That was really stupid of me." 4. "I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car." 5. (Responding to a compliment) "Oh, I've had this dress for ten years." 6. "I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background." 7. "That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though." 8. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time." Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under "Quiz #2." Where Does Self-Confidence Come From? Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors: 1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned. 2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't. 3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence. 8 Self-Confidence Builders There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence. 1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best "you" possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these: ? Do what comes naturally. ? Develop your talents. ? Follow your convictions. ? Express your own style. 2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident. 3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems. 4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about. 5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way. ? Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence. ? Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence. ? Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape. 6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject: ? Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness. ? Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence. 7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent. 8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this: ? Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Good work. I'm proud of you." ? Think of a way to reward yourself. ? Tell others about your success. ? Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal. ? Draw a picture expressing your achievement. Answers to Quiz #1 Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors. Answers to Quiz #2 Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.) Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
The Long Way
I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginning again.
Communicating with Case Studies
Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf of an organization I represent, to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had come to fruition, it would have radically changed our organization.
Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment
Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.The time-honored approach to disappointment generally involves a fair amount of wallowing followed by a concerted effort to move on.
A Fresh Look at the Choices We Make
We are frequently held back from making future plans or reaching goals based on the perceived wrongness of choices we've made in the past. I want to give you something to think about.
Is The Apprentice Bad For Your Health?
If you know who I mean when I say Kwame, Bill and Troy, you're probably a fan of The Apprentice. I admit I'm not a fan myself; I don't watch much television and that particular show didn't grab my interest enough to be "appointment" watching.
Why Therapy Fails Sometimes
I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and when I asked them if they had ever seen anyone else for counseling they said they had worked with two other therapists. They had seen one therapist on and off a few years back.
Great Advice
It never ceases to amaze me that every time I give a speech, do a seminar, or talk with people one-on-one, I get inundated with questions seeking the almighty answers to all that ails them. However, when I press them to come up with an answer to their own situation, they usually respond by offering their own solution right back to me.
Worth Waiting For
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman.
Avoid the Tendency to Underestimate Your Greatness
As a whole I think there is a sad tendency in most of us to underestimate just how powerful we are. Just how much greatness lies inside each and every one of us - just waiting to get out.
Going Beyond Life Coaching
In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is on the ground.On these autumn mornings the spider's webs are glistening like each was arrayed with diamonds.
Friends?
I met my friend when we were in graduate school, and we enjoyed hanging out together outside of classes. After receiving our degrees, we both left school to live in different states.
Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)?
It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." - Samuel JohnsonI was on a tele-seminar recently with International Health Coach Jeremy Likness and he asked a very interesting question about Trust.
Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great
Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and I replaced 26 feet of fence on my property. I must say, for a couple of non-handyman-sorts like the two of us, it is a very well done fence.
Corporate Coaching and Employees: One Step Ahead
"Don't shoot..
Take a Chance, Win a Prize
I think that we're all probably familiar with the fairground rant 'take a chance, win a prize'. Whenever I hear this call to action, I immediately break out into a cold sweat.
Smelling the Roses: Better Living Through Savoring
"Stop and smell the roses," people often say. Then they smile ruefully, because everybody knows there isn't enough TIME to stop or, as my daughter says, to "chill.
New Definition of Retirement
A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's focused on continual exploration, learning and growth.
4 Underused Hot Spots for Your Personal Branding Iron
I'll never forget what my mentor told me: "Don't communicate in any way to any person without the stamp of your personal brand."Everyone has a personal brand, whether they know it or not.
What is Coaching?
Recently, I have received several emails asking me about coaching and what it is exactly. So, I decided to answer some of those questions in this article.
Managing Your Perfectionism
What Is Perfectionism?This is the first of two newsletters that address perfectionism. In this issue, we will explore what perfectionism is and why it is destructive.
|
