 |
The Secret of Self-Esteem
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals. Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are: - I will feel good about my self when I'm making $______(fill in the amount) a year.
- I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person.
- I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people.
- I will feel adequate when I have a baby.
- I will feel adequate when_______( fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth).
However, there are many people who have all of the above and still do not feel a deep sense of self-esteem. That's because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby. Self-esteem, or the lack of it, is solely the result of how we treat ourselves. Those people who attend to their own feelings and needs with loving action on their own behalf feel good about themselves, while those people who ignore, invalidate, or judge their own feelings and needs feel badly about themselves. For example, Anna grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, but who didn't take good care of themselves. Both of her parents smoked, drank too much, and didn't eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their own feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed much of the time. Even though her parents were loving to her, Anna does not take good care of herself, having had no role modeling for personal responsibility, She doesn't eat well or get enough exercise, doesn't stand up for herself at home or at work, and doesn't get enough rest or playtime. She is very attractive, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure. If you imagine that her feelings and needs are like a child within, you can begin to see why she doesn't feel good about herself. Treating herself badly will always result in feeling badly. You might be tempted to think that she treats herself badly because she doesn't feel good about herself, and that's true, but she will not feel good about herself until she treats herself as a worthwhile person. Her good feelings will come from her loving action toward herself. The more loving action she is willing to take on her own behalf - taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, relationship, and spiritual responsibility - the better she will feel about herself. How can Anna be motivated to take loving care of herself when she doesn't feel good about herself? It seems like a vicious circle, yet there is a way out. Anna doesn't feel motivated to take care of herself because she thinks that who she is, is her ego, the wounded part of herself whom she doesn't like. Yet if Anna opens to knowing who she really is - that she beautiful and perfect child of God, that her essence, her true Self is a spark of God, created in the image of God - she will want to take loving care of this wonderful soul within. When Anna begins to take loving care of herself, her wounded self - the part of herself that has low self-esteem - begins to heal. The more Anna feeds herself well, gets enough exercise and rest, speaks up for herself and tells her truth, takes care of her financial situation, organizes her time and environment, treats others with kindness and compassion, and opens to her spiritual Guidance or Higher Power, the better she will feel about herself. Self-esteem is the result of taking loving action, not the cause of it. Since we all have free will, we each have the choice to take loving action on our own behalf. It doesn't matter how badly you were treated as a child, or how badly your parents treated themselves. Your actions need never be governed by your past. If you devote yourself, moment-by-moment, to taking loving action on our own behalf, you will discover that the result is high self-esteem. About The Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available. margaret@innerbonding.com
MORE RESOURCES:
|
Super Bowl coaches cut from the same clothGlobe and MailThe owners of both teams in Sunday's Super Bowl will attest that they once had people pressing them to fire their coaches, the same two coaches now lauded for their ingenious leadership. Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, says many called ...and more » |
|
Purdue hires Burns as secondary coachESPN (blog)By Adam Rittenberg Purdue coach Danny Hope acted quickly to replace longtime defensive backs coach Lou Anarumo, announcing Greg Burns as his replacement Friday afternoon. Burns will coach the Boilers' defensive backs after spending the past four ...and more » |
Google News
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Belief Management - The Missing Ingredient?
"Joan, I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anything done!" I have heard some version of this cry of frustration by many an entrepreneur. It's a common complaint voiced by those of use who sought the freedom to have complete authority over our schedules, only to find ourselves unwittingly shackled by old ways of operating.
Growing On G.R.O.W - A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers
The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is fast becoming an expectation from both senior management and from the employees themselves. Many managers are now being taught how best to coach their employees by employing the standard coaching model called G.
Recreating Yourself
So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want to be.
Addiction to Thinking
Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent.
New Definition of Retirement
A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's focused on continual exploration, learning and growth.
Personal Power
All of us would love to have personal power - the power to manifest our dreams, the power to remain calm and loving in the face of fear, the power to stay centered in ourselves in the face of attack.Our society often confuses personal power - "power within" - with "power over," which is about controlling others.
You Are Never Trapped!
"The meaning of life is that it stops." -Franz Kafka (1883-1924)A good friend of mine graduated from Boston University Law School.
5 Minute Morning Balance Ritual
"3 Questions, 5 Minutes a Day: Make leaps towards greater balance in one single week with the Shicka Boom 5 Minute Morning Balance Ritual"
By Laura Lallone, Certified Life CoachThis article is dedicated to a woman that I've never met and probably never will. Tall with dark, dark hair, she was perfectly manicured in a tailored suit with high-heeled pumps.
A Perrverse Confidante
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15, 2002Dad passed away years ago and Mom lives alone. She is still young and healthy, yet she always plays the victim.
What Do You Have To Give?
"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude.
Home For The Holidays
In my husband's family, family members send Christmas cards to other family members (parents to children, brothers and sisters to one another, etc.) even though the family always spends time together at Christmas for a meal and gift exchange.
Communicating with Case Studies
Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf of an organization I represent, to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had come to fruition, it would have radically changed our organization.
The Enchantment of Tribes to Belong To
I am remembering and have a desire to share with you, a beautiful story told to me by a young lady. It was the end of the World War II and her dad was returning home.
How to Get a Grip on Your Money
Most people have no idea where their money goes. They earn it and they spend it.
Expectations Can Get In Our Way
There are times when we truly look forward to something just as there are times when we totally dread something. What is the difference between anticipation with joy and anticipation with anxiety? Where and how does that expectation actually take place? If we think about it, the expectations take place in our minds.
Executive Coaching
The higher you climb the ladder in this organization, the less chance you have of getting feedback about your performance. The working rule of thumb is "the farther up you go, the stranger things get," especially in the way you are reviewed and rewarded.
Identify Your Two Rich Horses
The naked truth of person is that we are still slaves to our mind; means we are still a "bounded slaves" to our mind. The use of mind in constructive way or in some stepping-stone turning way is still not being revealed by human being.
Not Blind, Just No Vision
Helen Keller once remarked that there was one thing she knew of that was worse than being blind; it was to be able to see but have no vision.In case you do not know the story of Helen Keller, she was less than two years old when she suddenly came down with a fever that left her unconscious.
Mid Life Crisis and the Great American Dream
One of the mainstays of American culture is the "Great American Dream". Immigrants would uproot their families and leave their homeland in the hopes of experiencing the freedom and opportunity that awaits them in America.
Making Changes in Your Personal Life
Making changes in your personal life can be a tough process. Change starts with a thought.
|
