 |
Addiction to Worry
Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. "What if I never get well?" "What if my husband gets sick?" "What if I run out of money?" (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). "What if my son gets into drugs?" "What if my kids don't get into good colleges?" "What if someone breaks into the house?" Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her. I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother's whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don't remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother - constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn't want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it. As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him! It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress. Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn't worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control. Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I'm stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more! About The Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available. margaret@innerbonding.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
The Magic of Hearing
I'm working on a coach training certification, and one of the "proficiencies" I'm expected to have mastered is "engages in provocative conversations." Now, that really got me thinking.
Truth About Life Coaching School Accreditation
With life coaching becoming "the" career choice in this millennium, many of you are seeking the right choice for training and certification. Hopefully this article will answer some of your questions.
The Problem with Blame? If You Fix the Blame, You Ignore the Problem
Have you ever found yourself in a hurry to leave the house for an appointment when you could not find your car keys?Imagine that you and a friend are in a hurry to leave for an important event. You turn over the couch cushions, rifle through the newspapers on the dining room table, search your previous day's pants pockets, and dig through your purse.
Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New Year
It's four weeks away and you don't have any plans. Many of your friends will be away or out with their significant others.
Executive Coaching and Effective Learning
We've all been through training events-workshops, seminars, and courses that didn't affect our behavior as much as we would have preferred. And while each provides valuable information and tools for increased productivity, most of us also understand what happens after the workshop is over.
Several Red Flags for Spotting a Phony or Scam
The world is full of phonies and scammers these days. They use various mediums such as phone solicitation, spam email, magazine and newspapers ads, TV infomercials, and plain old snail mail.
Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility
Emotional dependency means getting one's good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within.
Why a Coach is NOT a Consultant
Often while talking to people about my coaching practice I get asked what the difference is between a coach and a consultant. Many people believe they are either the same thing or very similar.
Coaching for Results
He's a very successful sales manger who craves results. He can't be bothered with people who don't produce.
Loving Every Phenomenal Part of You
Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring to leaving your precious life on this Earth; but rather, just wished you weren't a certain way or did not have some particular qualities and mannerisms that were so apparent to you. I know I have.
How To Improve Your Selling Skills -- With Coaching Skills
But people love being coached. It's respectful and considerate of their needs.
Tempering Temper
I'm almost always a calm and collected person. Or at least I think I am.
The Power of Visualization
Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a regular basis. Why? Results of a 20-year study of the effects of visualization on results revealed an amazing discovery.
A Numbers Game!
Three years ago, Paul left his corporate job to launch his freelance writing career, and he's done relatively well. He has a group of regular clients that keep him going, and they are happy with his work.
Could You and Your Business Benefit from a Business Coach or a Consultant?
The surprising answer is "probably". Most individuals don't realize that a certified business coach or business consultant can add enormously to their home based or more traditional type business.
The Benefits of Coaching
When I was first introduced to the profession of personal coaching, my first initial thought was that it sounded exactly like something I would love to pursue. I did further investigation into the profession and before I knew it I was happily enrolled in the Coach Training Program offered through Coach U University in Colorado, USA.
Whats Wrong with Life Coaching?
As a Life Coach I quickly identified most individuals wanted to achieve a particular goal or ambition and tried it themselves without success, and unfortunatley were still reluctant to get any help. So, I started 'A Life Coaching' a company which provides individuals with the tools, skills and processes to Life Coach themselves.
Who Do You Talk To?
Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business.
Top Ten Things to Build a Bridge and Get Over
God must love Top Ten lists because she made so many of them. They crowd my Inbox daily.
Not Blind, Just No Vision
Helen Keller once remarked that there was one thing she knew of that was worse than being blind; it was to be able to see but have no vision.In case you do not know the story of Helen Keller, she was less than two years old when she suddenly came down with a fever that left her unconscious.
|
